Back to School Night 2018: A Parenting Playlist
[Head of School Clair Ward delivered the following remarks on Back to School Night, September 27, 2018.]
As we move through the stages of childhood, we explore a variety of identities. Perhaps some of you went through the “superhero” stage. Some of you no doubt explored how you felt about being part of the popular group, or perhaps the not-so-popular group. Did you identify as an athlete? As a musician? Thumbs-up if at some point in your development your pull to a new identity might have been so strong that you actually insisted people call you by a different first name. (Guilty!)
As we move through the stages of childhood, we explore a variety of identities. Perhaps some of you went through the “superhero” stage. Some of you no doubt explored how you felt about being part of the popular group, or perhaps the not-so-popular group. Did you identify as an athlete? As a musician? Thumbs-up if at some point in your development your pull to a new identity might have been so strong that you actually insisted people call you by a different first name. (Guilty!)
As you grew and moved on to college or your first real job, you started fresh. You had the chance to reinvent yourself with a new group of colleagues and friends. Your identity began to solidify.
By virtue of your attendance here tonight, I know the one thing we all have in common is that somewhere along the way we became parents. For many of you, this likely happened at a life stage in which you felt relatively steady in your identity. Then, the first time you laid eyes on your little one, an overwhelming sense of responsibility washed over you…. This was the moment when you began your career as a parent. If you are lucky, you have felt competent and even confident along the way. But if you are like most people, you noticed that each stage of your child’s journey brought the need for you to explore your own identity all over again.
As you came into the theatre tonight, you heard a variety of songs from a variety of artists and genres. Perhaps you wondered what they all have in common. I wish I could assure you that there is some elevated theme. In reality, these are songs from my parenting playlist—songs I use to either normalize my unsteadiness, or celebrate my victories. Here is how this works:
- Most days as a parent, I am rocking and rolling and feeling the hope and celebration of the song “Amazing Day” by Coldplay.
- When I need to set better boundaries, I turn to “Whip It,” by Devo.
- Some days when the adolescent storm rolls into my house, it feels like I am in the middle of Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire.” But I comfort myself knowing that at any moment I could slip into a good Flock of Seagulls chorus: “And I ran, I ran so far away.”
- And if the going gets really tough, a little Nancy Sinatra becomes necessary: “These boots are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do. One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.”
Obviously I am being playful. We can’t really walk away, nor do we want to. But here is the point I want to make tonight: my theme song examples reflect how we as parents can often function only in reaction. However, I would assume that each of us has a vision of who we aspire to be—in essence our parenting vision statement. For this I offer you an unlikely source. While it might come as a surprise that a reggae song by UB40 could fit the bill, I encourage you to consider the lyrics to the song “Higher Ground:”
And every hour of every day I’m learning more
The more I learn, the less I know about before
The less I know, the more I want to look around
Digging deep for clues on higher ground
The more I learn, the less I know about before
The less I know, the more I want to look around
Digging deep for clues on higher ground
By digging deeply for clues on the higher ground of parenting, we can focus on the beauty of the journey and not be so distracted by our temptation to evaluate each snapshot along the way. Tonight, as you meet your child’s teachers and hear about how we spend our days at Shore, I urge you to consider each moment as a stop on a longer journey of educating hearts and minds. No one moment is a destination in and of itself. Getting to our parenting “higher ground” likely requires us to learn side by side with our children. Maybe we have to be more comfortable learning to be a parent and not so preoccupied with knowing how to be a parent.
Perhaps you have your own parenting theme song. I am going to leave you with one more as a reflection of how all of the Shore educators feel about the partnership we share with you. The song is called “Kind and Generous,” and the chorus is quite simple: thank you.
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Head of School Clair Ward
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Families in the Trustey Family Theatre
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UB40's "Higher Ground"
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