Shore Hosts ECCF Talk with Columnist, Author Ron Lieber
On February 1, more than 200 people joined Essex County Community Foundation in Shore's Trustey Family Theatre for an engaging seminar with New York Times columnist Ron Lieber, author of The Opposite of Spoiled, a highly praised guide book full of practical advice for teaching kids about money, family values, gratitude, and the concept of giving back.
The event was a joint partnership between Shore and ECCF’s NextGen Initiative, which seeks to nurture Essex County’s next generation of philanthropic leaders by providing the knowledge, tools, and support necessary to ensure long-term philanthropic impact.
“We couldn’t have asked for a better partner for this event,” said ECCF’s Assistant Vice President for Philanthropy Carol Lavoie Schuster. “The goal of ECCF’s NextGen Initiative is to engage, educate, and connect Essex County’s Millennial and Gen X philanthropic leaders so they have the tools they need to make a real impact in their communities, and Shore Country Day School is preparing the generation of leaders that will follow them.”
The crux of Lieber’s philosophy is that regardless of income level, no parent wants to raise a spoiled child. And by talking to kids openly and honestly about money, even at a very early age, Lieber argues that parents can raise kids who have perspective and perseverance and who become modest and generous young adults that are financially wise beyond their years.
During the event, Lieber used funny and poignant personal stories and accounts from families of all income levels to illustrate the powerful impact that a frank dialogue about finances can have on a child’s ability to understand the world and his responsibility in it. He stressed that the simple act of answering kids’ questions about money (Why don’t we have a summer house? Why can’t we buy that? Are we rich?) helps to break down the taboo around talking about money.
Furthermore, Lieber said that telling children it’s “none of their business,” may signal to them that adults, as parents, are not the best source for answers, and may hinder them from talking to parents about other difficult topics.
“Their curiosity is to be valued and honored by all of us,” said Lieber.
Allowances are a good teaching too to help reinforce important values, Lieber noted. But he pointed out that an allowance shouldn't be tied to chores. “Treating chores like a job means that one day, when your child feels they've made enough money for the time being, they'll just say no to doing chores.” Another reason to decouple chores from an allowance, Lieber continued, is that “kids are capable of doing much more than we give them credit for.” He cited the example of one rural Utah family he visited while researching his book: the family's 10 boys, ranging in age from 5 to 21, essentially manage the entirety of the family dairy operation, with 1700 head of cattle.
Lieber spoke about the three labeled jars that are the centerpiece of The Opposite of Spoiled: "Spend," "Save," and "Give." Starting at age 5 or 6, a modest allowance can and should be divided up into the three jars. The jars encourage kids to prioritize their spending, learn the difference between wants and needs, and begin to think about sharing their good fortune.
The "Give" jar is one that is especially important to Lieber, who was raised in Chicago and lived a comfortable life until his parents divorced and the family fell on hard financial times. He was able to finish high school at the prestigious Francis W. Parker School only with a scholarship provided by the school community, and the experience shaped his values on generosity, which Lieber is passing on to his two young daughters.
“The thing that really hit home with our (older) daughter is understanding her own family’s history of having been helped,” said Lieber. “Please tell your kids those stories. It will help put them in touch with their inner giver.”
Lieber’s stories and advice resonated with those in attendance.
“Ron prompted guests to initiate family discussions centered around values like gratitude, giving back and philanthropy,” said Jody Johnson, Director of Advancement at Shore. “Parents and educators left inspired to incorporate this into daily life.”
“One of the interesting things I took away from tonight was the idea of a giving circle for a school,” said Liz Bradley, a NextGen committee member and mom to two daughters, ages 15 and 13. She was referring to the story Lieber told about students from a Jewish school in San Francisco who, in lieu of exchanging Bar and Bat Mitzvah gifts, used the money to start a giving circle that grew into a $40,000 fund.
“I think that’s a healthy way to get engaged,” she said.
Filing out of the Trustey Family Theatre, parents could be overheard discussing the various ways they would use Lieber’s advice within their own families.
“This was great!” Shore parent and NextGen committee member Weze Harrigan told Lieber as they talked after the event. “There are two things I can take home tonight and use right away.” One was the suggestion Lieber gave to allow each family member, kids included, to toast to something they are grateful for every night at dinner, a simple action that, when practiced regularly, can establish a gratitude routine. The second was another of Lieber's suggestions: get kids involved in prioritizing the family's annual giving.
“We talk about many of these ideas through our NextGen Initiative,” said Lavoie Schuster. “It was really rewarding to see so many parents moved to make changes and additions to their family routines based on Ron’s work.”
For more information about Essex County Community Foundation’s NextGen Initiative, visit www.eccf.org/nextgen or contact Carol Lavoie Schuster at c.lavoieschuster@eccf.org or 978-777-8876.
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Lieber discussing his "Give," "Save," and "Spend" jars. Photo: Kevin Harkins
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A lively evening in the Trustey Family Theatre. Photo: Kevin Harkins
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Ron Lieber. Photo: Kevin Harkins
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Lieber with ECCF's NextGen Committee members (from left) Chrissy Cahill, Sarah Gadipatti, Shore parent Michelle Langille, Assistant Vice President for Philanthropy Carol Lavoie Shuster, and Shore parent Weze Harrigan.
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Lieber with Head of School Larry Griffin. Photo: Kevin Harkins
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Lieber with ECCF President and CEO Dave Edwards and Kristine Trustey. Photo: Kevin Harkins
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Members of Shore's Advancement Committee (from left): Jay Gould, Director of Advancement Jody Johnson, Trustee Robin Ellis, and past Trustee Susan Fortin.
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Shore parent Michael Bonacorso with Director of Annual Giving Brooke Booth.
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